I've been absent
Trying my best to hold on to the present
Yet repeatedly falling back to the past
Chasing ghosts of memories and adding them to my torment

I smile them away
While they're ripping me apart from the inside
Telling myself that I am in need of that pain
That they're a comforting presence whenever I cried

I would save them
Even if it meant that I'm letting today pass me by
Even if I'd fall into myself all over again
Because it makes me feel alive in a way I can't defy

My...