He stares at me from the room of where it happened, reminding me of the monster that keeps me up at night. It's the monster that laughs everytime I smile, fear something or just feel happy. This monster is not fear, it's a phantom of pain that tore me from her. That day, he tore me, instilled fear into me, violated me, beat me emotionally and ripped someones' soul right from their eyes. The ringing in my ears are the reminder of her screams that day, he laughed saying I'll never have her. The demon that doesn't hit me, but puts fear into me everytime I hear the screams at night. I am scared of him, he is a true monster. He speaks to me saying "You couldn't save her, that fear made you cry in the corner as you watch as I tore her apart, you're a failure, she's dead because of you." This demon lies to me every night, I fight with him every night. I have the knowledge of this monster being in Federal Prison, it gives me courage to rid myself of this monster. The monster is right next me, just whispering "You couldn't save her." I admit, I couldn't, because a 6 foot tall man beat me senseless and forced me to watch, I was just 7 years old. What could I have done? Nothing, I was a kid. They did this, put a scar on my mind. I won't let it affect my soul, I know they wanted me to change who I was. I will stay me, for no one but me. I choose to be me, because I love me. This demon watches me and it terrifies me, because it's not just my demon that watches me. It's her, both of them. Phantoms of pain, love and desire. Her... the girl that had her soul ripped straight from her eyes. The other girl is my silence I desire and the memory of love, I seek this silence, not from death. But others' love give me the silence I desire, I need emotional silence. This demon keeps me up. It knows her screams are forever engraved into my heart and the image of her eyes in the aftermath were void of soul. She died that day, because of this monster. This demon loves my pain.
© Process-12