#WritcoPoemPrompt54
I feel my heart is wrenching and ask myself is it all worth it? The pain... the crying... the anguish...

For years I was blinded to the belief that you must first experience pain before you can achieve true happiness.
That every tear has an equal joy, that every night of sorrow has the promise of a happy morning.

For several years
I ventured into pretentious love.
Left and right mounting, endless lies.
Love that in front of the audience is full of thrill and tenderness.
But beneath the hugs and kisses were the bruises and wounds caused by the painful words of the new -edged knife.

For years
I was accustomed to loneliness, nothing to carry.
From the beginning of the battle,
I knew that in the end
I would go home defeated.
I try to cling to the wrong people.
Or right person at the wrong time.
Or I thought I was the right person but I didn't want to.
I'm hurt?

For years
I gambled on insecure relationships, on “okay” love, even though
I knew in myself there was no destination.
Sometimes, even when there are no emotions attached, as long as there is a cross to the call of the flesh,
I push without hesitation.

For several years
I took temporary shelter in various homes.
At first the acceptance was wholehearted but in the end
I was also ruthlessly kicked out.

How many years?
I can't count.
I can't count how many years
I have had the courage to face the seemingly new misfortunes
I may face in the process of finding true happiness.
A love with the promise of eternity.

Until ... I'm tired.
Finally, I was tired.
I’m tired of questioning the galaxy on why I always just miss out on love.
I'm tired of trusting.
I was scared to trust.
I was afraid to open my heart again to the next stranger who would say
"I won't hurt you, even if I die

And I gradually realized that in my few years of searching it was me,
I was the one who was lost

© lonesome_artist

#poem #poetry #lonesome_artist #pain #brokenheart #lovehurt
© lonesome_artist