If the neck strong monster, long known as Loch Ness
The famous Nessie who causes so much stress
Is in fact simply a humongous whale's shaft
Is but a male whale's gigantic pleasure craft

If Bigfoot himself is but an old-school ape
Living in the bush, caught on videotape
Tape that is always quite fuzzy, like the bear
Is clearly a mistaken ape — nothing rare

If UFOs are floating trash — space debris
Travelling aside the earth — nothing to see
If fairies only wander 'round Wonderland...