You found me at a friend's house
This time.
There I was,
Laughing and enjoying social company,
Kpop music videos playing
In the background,
Mid-laugh,
When I looked up and saw your face.

My breath and heart stopped.

For an agonising moment,
That bastard, Hope, rose to life
As I imagined you'd somehow
Fooled all of us with your death and
Escaped to become an idol in
South Korea,
Instead of rotting in the ground,
Still 17.
For a heartbreaking moment,
I hoped my grief could end.

The idol kept singing,
And you disappeared from her face
From a different camera angle.

I was...