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Stuck
Nobody seems to help me when I’m in need, and when I’m desperate.
When I was in psychosis, nobody helped me apart from my step dad and my mother.
I help because I’m free of need and because I’m selfless.
But sometimes, I need someone to care for me.
My parents? they emotionally abused me, and never taught me how to live happily, and freely.
Here I am, struggling and suffering.
And nowhere to go, and nobody to turn to.
Even the roof over me, doesn’t belong to me.
I just want a permanent safe home, to heal, and live safely. Nobody talks about the abuse that’s hidden in toxic households, until you find an excuse to escape. But that excuse was in facts, and a form of abuse that left me psychologically damaged and depressed. And because I don’t know how to speak up for my own needs, so they try to make decisions for me in order to control me. Mother didn’t know how to nature her children healthily. All they ever want to do is abuse me and use me, there is no love in this family, everything is only done conditionally. How long is this going to go on, I don’t want to be apart of this family occult that is severely damaging to my future offsprings. And why should I be the one to always run away, there’s got to be another solution to make amends in this broken family. Where do I go, and why do I keep on running when there is no permanent destination. Not a safe haven nor is it a place of my own, nor is there any peace in this head of mine. ADHD creating havocs but none of this is any of my fault. I look forward to be laid to rest someday, because this pain is not going to be leaving any time soon. There is no forever. And will there ever be a happy forever home.
© WarriorWithin
When I was in psychosis, nobody helped me apart from my step dad and my mother.
I help because I’m free of need and because I’m selfless.
But sometimes, I need someone to care for me.
My parents? they emotionally abused me, and never taught me how to live happily, and freely.
Here I am, struggling and suffering.
And nowhere to go, and nobody to turn to.
Even the roof over me, doesn’t belong to me.
I just want a permanent safe home, to heal, and live safely. Nobody talks about the abuse that’s hidden in toxic households, until you find an excuse to escape. But that excuse was in facts, and a form of abuse that left me psychologically damaged and depressed. And because I don’t know how to speak up for my own needs, so they try to make decisions for me in order to control me. Mother didn’t know how to nature her children healthily. All they ever want to do is abuse me and use me, there is no love in this family, everything is only done conditionally. How long is this going to go on, I don’t want to be apart of this family occult that is severely damaging to my future offsprings. And why should I be the one to always run away, there’s got to be another solution to make amends in this broken family. Where do I go, and why do I keep on running when there is no permanent destination. Not a safe haven nor is it a place of my own, nor is there any peace in this head of mine. ADHD creating havocs but none of this is any of my fault. I look forward to be laid to rest someday, because this pain is not going to be leaving any time soon. There is no forever. And will there ever be a happy forever home.
© WarriorWithin
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