I’ve gotten so used to you being gone
To your name no longer showing up on my notifications, to your name staying inside of my mind instead of constantly slipping off of my tongue when I used to bring you up in every conversation
It’s been so long that my dreams and our past are the only things keeping your memory alive, the only pieces I have left of you
And on the days when I’m haunted by the knowing that I’ll never have you, I turn my music loud and try to distance myself from the part of me that, no matter what will always love you
And when that doesn’t work, I keep it in. I keep it locked away somewhere inside my chest. When I sleep, your face pours out of the cracks and breaths life into my chest
Rising and falling
Breathing you in and out
Until it’s the next morning and I wake up and I feel so great, and I wish it didn’t end and I hate that I don’t want it too. But I move on because what else can I do?
The thing is, I want what I thought you were. I want what I thought we were...