They ask why I am so angry.
They ask why I am so "sensitive to the little things". They question why I don't accept their claim of intimacy. They wonder why I am so blunt about how I want to be treated. They mumble at what they call my harshness. They walk away saying "she's too much".

I sit up in the morning feeling heavy, even as I just wake. I sit up with the weight of my loneliness and angst trying to hold me back.
I can hear the weight of them trying to pull me back.
I ask myself why I am so angry? Like they say, you are a woman and a woman is supposed to be sunny.

I walk through my day feeling numb but with a quick smile on my face. I walk through my day with quick words of cheer and even laughter, that I don't feel. I get prodded and put down and snap back, but quickly try to apologize for my quick anger.
I ask myself where my happiness went? Reminding myself that I am a woman and a woman should hold her tongue.

I get home at night and my mind runs in so many different directions at once, leaving me anxious.
I get home at night, and find myself unable to rest my mind or quiet my soul enough to sleep and when I finally do, it's a restless one, leaving me so tired, I can barely begin the circle again the next day. And I ask myself why I am so anxious and sad? Reminding myself that I am a woman and should be able to carry this weight effortlessly.
But I want to ask why? why can't I be happy? where has my joy gone?
Perhaps I will sleep longer tomorrow and have less time to feel.

© MizaK