I was the child she didn't want she let me know often.
She is a straight line and my lines are often zigzag.
I was born to early I required and needed more then she was willing to give
She called me dumb, slow, stupid, ugly even as a adult
but she always came up with clever ways to say it.
Often times everything was more important to her drugs, men, or money
How she truly felt would come out most when she was high
how she hated me and wish she never had me
I know she had a rough life so I tried to make
her happy cooking, cleaning, careing for my sister
It was never enough.
My grandmother told me to make sure she had some where to lay her head
I did but even that was not enough
After she got cleaned up and found Jesus
now I wasn't good enough for her church or her friends she was ashamed
she had belittled me, abandon me and rejected me.
Now I wasn't even good enough for Jesus!!!!!!!!
Now that her nasty boyfriends were not violating me anymore
now they couldn't come into my room
or her pedophile brother who stole my innocence and my childhood away from me
could not violate me anymore . I am not even good enough for Jesus.
I try to forgive but she had told so many lies to make herself look good.
Was I a perfect child no
I have been imperfect since birth 2 pounds 1ounce.
I have spent my life fighting
My father once told me you are strong
you came here fighting and you have been fighting every day since
fighting to live.... well I am tried of fighting but I must go on
Your mother is the one person in the world who is suppose to protect you
or believe in you
the pain from the hell I have seen in this life I wish on no one


This is not a poem I am just trying to heal........

© Brelijah47