From childhood I have always been bad at hide and seek, anxiety finds me whenever am under the bed.
hiding from the reality of needing a fatherly love ,is the only hiding am good at. for it beats my soul each time it gets a chance,a chance to show me that a dad i seek can never be found. acceptance is like wings for me, i have fought for it all the days of my life but can never be mine.
who is a father, the person that comes through the door with a big bag of kisses towards my mom.
but thats nothing but just an imaginary dad for a home of a dad and a mum is nothing but a dream to my soul thats why my soul is numb. numb to the pain like a person on drugs for i come from a home broken like some filthy rags.
I may look strong though i have no air in my lungs for life has taught me never to pack my bags.
am becoming good at hide and seek for i seek to be a father to that lonely child. for i know that being a father has nothing to do with blood but everything to do with sticking around.
am hiding my from my father shadow for i seek to be better than him. i imagine my children being thrilled with my presence not wishing if i was with them. for hide and seek is a game of pain but i choose to seek God and he has made it fun.....


© blessedRestoration