Fixing my mind....
Deterred out of my life....
Like this anxiety spoke more than once..
More than tonight to the lights that..
That flashed all night....
All day....
Writing poetry as if Im not okay....
Missing parts of me that felt...
Felt ordained....
I fucking hate feeling not okay....
Not okay....
Not okay....
I'm drowning in a pool of tears...
Beating....
Feels like Im not even here....
Passing the clock and the time...
Where I don't even know why...
Why...
What...
Who....
I lost who I was...
My fucking mind screaming....
Help....
Help...
The therapist on the line...
Telling me....
We'll call you soon....
When....
Til my heart doesn't beat anymore?...
When....
Til my mind feels out of order....
I just want to fucking be okay....
Are you okay?
Does it look like it?
I got scars in my heart....
Hitting the bars leaving me..
Lost in the dark...
I got scars in my heart....
Feeling....
Worthless...
Alone....
Scared...
I think Im just a slot....
Where Im in the middle of a burning..
Of a burning pot.....
Question 1...
Hey are you okay?....
Does it look like I'm doing fucking okay...
My mind feels like its on a lost train....
Anxious thoughts rumbling..
Rumbling my brain...
Thoughts of "Im not worth it"....
Of.
"Im not enough"...
Just lost me in a souless cup...
I just want to love....
To live...
Not drink from a depression cup...
All over my mind with broken scenes..
Into a fucked up broken memory...
Let me tell you....
My mind is like a machine...
A claw thorn machine...
Yet at times its like my heart lost...
Lost a heartbeat...
Im done fighting at times...
Im done feeling so hopelesss....
So fucking done....
Fuck this....
Fuck that...
Im just on the lost tracks....
Where depression wants me back...
Where therapy cost more than a dime...
So...
I...
Have to always pretend...
I'm fucking fine...
Fixing my mind...
I'm... A Lost Alibi
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